I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
