Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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