careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize