You smell like stripper and shame
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize