watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
