I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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