just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
