No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
