i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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