i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
