No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize