Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
