im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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