Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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