Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
