I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
