also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
