The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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