so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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