my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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