I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
