He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
