Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
