I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
