Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
