three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
