y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
