1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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