I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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