She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
