i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
