you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
