I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
