Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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