I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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