dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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