oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize