I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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