Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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