Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
