i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
