If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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