Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
