I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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