how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
