she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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