My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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