She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
