is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
