he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
