Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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