I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
