There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
