no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hell yes lets make some ravioli
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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