I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
