This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
