All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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