There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
