thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
