I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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