Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
