there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
