I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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