What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
