I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize