i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
