im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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