Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
