I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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